I prefer to just shrug it off.
As much as I’d like to dismiss these thoughts, it just keeps on haunting me. It never goes away. It’s like a virus deep inside my system which never fails to catch me off-guard when it attacks. I hate it. If only I can do something to wipe it all in my head. But I can’t. It makes me cringe, and cry, and even space-out most of the time. I say I’m fine and remain silent but then in the midst of silence I still have a lot of questions. Questions of why? How? And then back again to why? Well, sometimes it makes me smile. When I think of it I can’t help but to see how different things were. But reminding myself about it makes me also want to put up these walls around me. Tall, strong walls which nobody could ever break. Just like my thoughts. That’s how it works I guess. My own big question marks tend to become bigger question marks for other people. But I’d like it keep it that way. Yes, that somewhat crazy “you-frustrate-me” way.
I wonder if this will ever end.
For now, I’m trying to again, just shrug it off.