15 Hours

It’s still the same.
And I almost cannot believe it.

I was there more than 3 years ago, and it took me by surprise when I suddenly realized that it still hasn’t changed — the set-up, the ambiance, the whole place itself. I can still see myself sitting there, smiling, laughing, and even without much sleep, I had one of the best times of my life.

For a while, I thought that nothing really changed since the last time I happened to be there. But suddenly, it hit me. “Something has changed”, I thought. And it wasn’t so hard to see.

It was me.
I wasn’t the same girl who was once there.

A part of me wanted to go back. I want to be there all over again. It could have changed everything. If only I can go back in time and walk right there where I was sitting and talk to the 19-year old me. I can just imagine how our conversation would go.

“If only I could be like you again.”

“Why? What happened? Everything seems fine. Look! It’s almost perfect!”

“That’s what I thought. All good things come to an end you know that? You can make so much difference now. But I know that no matter what I say, you will not believe me. You’re so stubborn that when you put your mind into something, you will and definitely make it happen. Nothing I will say can make you stop all this insanity. I know you. I know you so well. We may be one but the only difference we have is that you don’t know me as much as I know you. You will not believe how much you will change in the next years to come. Times would be rough but at least, I know that you’ll make it to where I am right now. It’s just that it’s going to be hard. I don’t know until when. The 26-year old ‘us’ still haven’t shown up. I’m still waiting.”

“Then we’ll both just wait. I don’t have to worry. At least I know I’ll be fine when I get to where you are.”

I’m fighting with memories. How I wish my older self would really come and show up. If she does, then I’ll have the chance to ask her if everything’s going to be fine and if I’m going to make it. I wonder what she will tell me. Would she be a lot more different? I really can’t tell. Would she wish we were still the 19 year-old “us”? I’m not sure. Or what if she’ll tell me that life would be so much better when I get to where she is?

I can only imagine.

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