Five years ago I wrote a blog entry entitled, “Three Years From Now”. Basically, it was a dreamy piece of writing about how I wanted my life to be like at the age of 26.
Now, I’m 28 years old and looking back at the things I have written, I will be very honest to say that my life now is not even close to half of the things I thought I could make happen, or at least once dreamed of.
I don’t know what happened. I’m trying to rationalize if I’m just a real loser or life really is unpredictable. But whatever it is, all I know is that at the age of 23 (my age when I wrote that blog post), I was a soul searcher, lost in the rhythm of what a normal early 20’s life is like.
DREAM vs REALITY
Yes, I was able to get my architectural license but now here I am, practically making some baby steps in the journey of trying to make ends meet as a freelancer. I know I could’ve chosen to be in a stable job as an employee. I could’ve tried settling down in Cebu since it was one of the options. I could’ve done and chosen different things than what I have and where I am right now. Lastly, I know I could’ve done more. Now, trust me when I say I tried to make these options work. But y’know what, it just won’t make sense. The more I try to fit in the shoes of my childhood dream profession, the more I ask myself, “Is this it?”
If there’s anything else I’d like to devote all my time to when I was 23, it would be all about making music and writing my thoughts away. I could spend hours trying to perfect a song on the piano or learning how to improve my violin skills. I used to spend my highschool and college years pouring down every single thought that’s on my mind in a journal, or in my blog. There are many things I know I can still do with my passion for these things. But I guess the fire died down as I searched the universe on how to make myself fall in love with the world again. When the heart stops for quite some time and then goes back running well again, it’s not that easy to make things fall into the their right places.
FLYING WITH A BROKEN WING
“I’m ready to fly again”, says my 23 year old self. If only I knew that it would take more than just a blog post to fly with a broken wing. That time, I wanted to be fine. I wanted to embrace all the love and grace Christ has for me just to be okay again. It wasn’t an easy journey. Because for the past 5 years, I still kept on making mistakes, made wrong decisions, trusted the wrong people, and the list goes on. There are times when I would still flinch on the sight of my battle scars. The ugliness of it makes me become half paralyzed — able to think but unable to move. Although I wear these scars with pride, I still wonder how much pain a once wounded heart can possibly bear.
ITS OKAY TO DREAM AND REALIZE THAT 5 YEARS LATER,
YOU’RE IN A DIFFERENT PATH
I like making these future letters and write-ups for myself (I even wrote a letter to my future husband way back 2012. Hahaha). Even if most of the time, they don’t happen the way I wanted it to be, I’m still thankful for the fact that once in my life, I wanted a life different from what I used to have, and that I was hopeful for the better days.
BECAUSE A DIFFERENT PATH IS NOT A BAD THING
I encourage you to try thinking about yourself for another 5 years from now. If you can write about it, that would be great. After several years, try reading it again. You’ll realize how much you will change over the years. Now, if ever you find yourself in a different path from your supposed goals/dreams, don’t worry. It’s okay to be disappointed but you can always dream and try again.
I do believe in God’s sovereignty above everything else, so wherever I am right now and where I may be for another five years, or ten years, I know I’ll still be on the right path.
So, five years ago, I was this young lady who just wanted an affirmation of life by writing her dreams without knowing how to make it all happen. Who knew I will stumble upon it now in 2017? Ahhh. That’s why I love keeping a blog. 💛